Valerie Bertinelli is reflecting on her painful past.
On Friday, the “One Day at a Time” star, 65, took to social media to detail an “emotionally excruciating” eight months of internal struggles and share the lessons she’s learned along the way.
“I go back and forth and hesitate sharing vulnerable posts like I so often used to because I put the useless opinions of the minimal creepers above the many of you who have made this page so special,” she began her lengthy Instagram post. “Those of you who understand and feel not so alone by sharing your own struggles too.”
“I started two jobs in different states and writing my new book all while going through some of the most emotionally excruciating eight months of my life,” Bertinelli, who joined “The Drew Barrymore Show” as a lifestyle expert and began hosting the Game Show Network’s “Bingo Blitz,” said. “And I still got my exhausted, sleepless ass up in the morning, put on a good face, and showed up, when all I wanted to do was stay in bed and sob.”
VALERIE BERTINELLI ADMITS SHE ‘FUMBLED’ RELATIONSHIP WITH EX-BOYFRIEND AS SHE OPENS UP ON SHAME
“This is not to say I feel sorry for myself because I don’t. Nobody has the market cornered on grief and heartache. People go through hard sh– all the time. You just do what you have to do to get through what you have to get through,” she continued. “And I don’t know that I would change any of it. I’ve learned so much more about my strength, my weaknesses, my patience, my resilience, and my worth. I still have more inner work left to do.”
Bertinelli offered some sound advice for her followers fighting similar feelings.
“If I could give you anything of value from my experience it would be this; don’t let the challenging days make you forget how far you’ve actually come,” she wrote. “No matter what, always believe in your core self. Do not allow the opinions of others or their experience with you, color what you think of yourself. You did your best with what you knew at the time.”
“Betrayal of your own self-worth is even worse than another’s betrayal. You deserve kindness, respect, and confidence that can be trusted. Especially and mostly from yourself. We’re here on this little floating rock to learn and to love. Learn to love yourself. Even that damn shadow,” Bertinelli continued.
“And if/when we fall or get pushed down again, we can either wallow, navel-gaze and be a victim or we can get our asses back up and live our big, beautiful life. Do that,” the star concluded.
VALERIE BERTINELLI ENCOURAGES FOLLOWERS TO ‘BEGIN AGAIN’ IN THE NEW YEAR
In February, the former Food Network star — who called it quits with ex-boyfriend Mike Goodnough in November after ten months of dating — opened up about how her breakup has impacted her day-to-day.
“When you feel hurt and wronged and know you deserve an apology but are being stonewalled by your partner because they’re feeling shame, maybe this can shift your thinking,” she began her lengthy post. “How are you bringing it up? Are you only pointing out what they’re doing wrong, being hypercritical, and expecting them to just fix it? That could be making things worse. Change, real change, never happens through criticism, shame, or pressure. They most likely already feel all that. (I know when I f— up, oof, do I feel shame).”
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“When feeling attacked, a natural reaction is to shut down and get defensive and feel overwhelmed about changing behavior that may be a coping mechanism since childhood,”she continued. “They’ll feel judged and feel like they can’t get anything right and they won’t really hear you.”
“If you stop focusing on what they did wrong and instead approach with empathy and understanding, everything can then start to shift,” she added. “Instead of saying, ‘You always do this!’ Maybe try, ‘This is how I feel when this happens, can we figure this out together?’ That one small change can make a difference.”
Bertinelli reminded her followers that it’s important to work with your partner, not against them.
“And hello, I’m not saying this is easy when you’ve been hurt and you want to lash out in anger (which is fear and/or grief and probably some of your own hidden childhood triggers). BUT, doing it differently may give you a better chance at getting the apology and amends that you deserve,” she wrote.
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“Looking for ways to show up for each other is a love language and it takes two to do it,” she continued. “Even when you feel wronged and think they should just know and do better. I think we all just want to do better and feel awful when we’ve hurt someone we love and shame prevents us from thinking clearly. Wouldn’t it be nice to relieve the one you love from shame so they can truly give you the amends you’re looking for?”
“Then again, what do I know?” she concluded. “I have two failed marriages and fumbled the last true good man I met. Maybe don’t take advice from me.”
